Day 2

Gained 7 lbs since the wedding... :( I swore it wasn't going to happen to me, but it did. I'm down 2.5 from that, but it's still ridiculous. Josh is so hot and handsome all the time, and I'm always so chub and grubby. It's not fair... to him. When we first started dating I lost so much weight it was incredible. But then I gained a ton. I didn't get in shape or lose weight for the wedding like i wanted to. and the pictures really show it. That's depressing. I'll be looking at those pix for the rest of my life and it will always be a reminder of how i let myself down. I wasn't the way I wanted to be for him. I see the way he looks at skinny girls. I hate it. But he's promised me I can get my tata's fixed in a couple years. That might help me feel a little better, but I've gotta do something in the meantime. I've gotta get in shape. I want to be beautiful and confident. I want to walk into a room and steal the attention of everyone. I want the boys to want me and I want the girls to envy me. Is that wrong? I don't think so. If it's gonna be anyone I want it to be me. But maybe that's just because I'm a little overly competitive. I want to be a trophy wife. I want to be the girl that steals his breath every time he looks my way. I want him to wake up every morning astonished that I'm his. I don't want to be the only one surprised and excited. I want to be hott!! I'm gonna be drop dead sexy! I just need to get to it.

We joined Snap Fitness on June 1. We have tanning with them too. We went once as a trial thing. And then went once the first week. But now I'm getting serious with it, so I think he is too. Lucky for him, he has two friends that already go 5x a week at the same time we're trying to go. We went yesterday and I worked out my legs and back. I am sore. But I don't know if it's because we rode our bikes extremely fast. I maxed out on the leg press at 360 lbs (which is more than Lewis can do. lol.). Or because we went back to his house and I jumped on the tramp for a bit and then did 1000+ butt bounces. Or because afterwards we corralled the escaped goats or because we chased a bunny around forever til we caught it. Or it could be because we both had the day off and had our ows personal exercise quite a few times. wink wink. lol. But something made my cheeks and back super sore! It feels amazing! I love knowing that I've worn myself out. I love knowing I'm improving. That I'm better than I was the day before. It's amazing!
And we went again tonight!! Today I worked out arms and shoulders. And it feels good. I don't think I'm gonna be nearly as sore tomorrow, but it stills feels great knowing I'm doing it. I love love love weight training! I haven't been doing much cardio like I used to. I miss it, but I still feel tons better than when I did nothing. Plus, I'm changing my eating. Less junk, more good stuff. Drinking organic unsweetened soy milk (best milk I've ever had! ), eating pure nine grain bread, lots of fruits, and stone ground oatmeal. Feelin better, but not as good as I could be. I'm still eating too much crap. Once I get all of that poison out of my body I'm sure I'll stop getting so sick and I'll feel like superman! I can't wait to feel good! Inside and out. And I really can't wait for my skin to clear up. Life is great and it's gonna get even better!
oh and p.s. I ride my bike to and from work every day! According to Nate I'm "hardcore." lol.