Ummm...
ok. so I started off with good intentions... But then it all went downhill....
I woke up and made some Green Tea. I added 2 slices of lemon and 1 tsp of Amber Agave Nectar. Perfect way to start off the day.
And then I started making my Steel Cut Oats. I didn't have a full cup like the recipe calls for so I just used all I had. Then I added a little bit less than 1/4 cup ( I think) flax seeds. After it was done I separated it into four portions. I put three in the fridge and kept one to eat. I added frozen blueberries, cinnamon, and 1 tsp clover honey to sweeten.
Then it got closer to lunch time and I wanted meat. But we didn't have any. And the kitchen was a mess. Which stresses me out. Bad! I opened the fridge and realized I still had spinach leftover from my detox that I needed to use. So I threw a bunch in a bowl and added some Free Zesty Italian dressing by Kraft. I wanted to add Ranch, but I knew Ranch was too unhealthy, so I went with the healthier option. I also added raisins for a little more of a treat.
But an hour later I was still hungry. I opened up the fridge and realized Josh had defrosted my Turkey franks. I'm kind of a germ-a-phobe and I believe that once you defrost something you need to eat it as soon as possible. I think I used that as an excuse. So I cooked up 2 and ate them with Famous Dave's BBQ sauce. It was delicious. It's been forever since I had a hot dog. And the sauce makes them especially good. And I was still hungry and so I cooked up 2 more. And then I was still hungry so I cooked up 2 more. And then I was still hungry and so I cooked up the rest because I figured I had already eaten way too much sodium and so 2 more wouldn't hurt and I would put the others in the fridge. But then I ended up eating the rest. I ate the entire package of hot dogs. ugh!
I was so disappointed in myself that I got a little angry and depressed and ate the last half of the Dutch Apple Pie in the fridge as well. OMG! I couldn't stop. I was ravenous and psychotic. I ate the package of Fierce Cinnamon Hot Tamales too. Which I don't even like. Then I ate my Wendy's Frosty I had frozen in the freezer. I was losing all control. I just kept getting more upset with myself and eating more and more.
The whole time I was doing this I was talking to my friend who had started her training for the NPC bikini competition on march 30th. I talked to her about training for it months ago. But I never stuck to it. But she started saying that I could and should do one. It got me thinking.... maybe I could. And maybe I should. But my negative side kept kicking in - You can't do it, You would never stick to it, You can't get ready in 11 weeks, It's too expensive, etc.
But even with the nagging negatives running through my head I jumped on the computer and started doing some research. It was really hard because the entire time I was eating junk and Hallie was crying and complaining. That's all she does anymore. And I think that's one of the reasons why I was so stressed and eating so much. Because that's all she has done for over a month now. She cries and cries and cries and wants to be held 24/7. And she won't take naps anymore. And Josh never helps out except for a couple of minutes every once in a blue moon.
Today I have failed, but tomorrow I will do better. And maybe, just maybe I will see if I can train in time to compete. Because one day I will. It's on my bucket list. And what better time than today... er umm tomorrow.
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