IMFIT

Ok, so I am not, but they are. lol. That's the gym I have started training at. I am not just working out, I am training. :] It is a personal training gym. I never ever ever thought I would hire a personal trainer, but I decided that it might be wise. I have been trying to get into shape for four years, and have gotten nowhere. I started training with Ben Flint on April 19th I think. or maybe it was April 12th. I'll have to ask with him and check. But it's been over a month nevertheless.
I wasn't planning on hiring a trainer. It just sort of happened. I just can't say No. I don't know how. It's practically impossible for me to. I know that sounds ridiculous, but it's true. It's almost everyone's first word, but as an adult I don't know how to use it. Which could be and has been very very bad...
But, I was determined to get in shape and start working out. I was going to change my ways and do things the right way finally. I went in to check out Max Muscle and look at it as a possible job in the future after some schooling. But of course, I ended up buying instead. And then he talked me into checking out IMFiT and talking with Ben. I drove over out of obligation and curiosity, and ended up signing up. Lol. Oops. That's especially bad when you're trying to work on a budget and get out of debt. But I'm pretty happy most of the time that it happened this way. I love my gym. I love my trainer. I love the people that work there and work out there. I love that I have to be committed. I love that they bust my arse. I love that I am exercising. I love that I am changing.
I hate that I am spending so much money. I hate that I have no time. I hate that I don't get to work out with my husband. I hate that I don't look as good as the people I work out with. I hate that I don't have the determination I used to. I hate that I am not where I want to be and I especially hate that I am not who I want to be. But I am changing. I am working on my body and also on myself at the same time.
Overcoming oneself and one's weaknesses is, in my opinion, the hardest task we can accomplish in this life. I am my greatest defeat. I am my toughest opponent. I am my most impossible obstacle. I am Possible. Impossible is nothing because nothing is impossible. I'mPossible.
I started off strong, but I've gotten kind of weak on the nutrition side. Last week Ben sat me down just to talk. Our entire session plus another half was just chatting.
I started off by declaring that I was working out in attempt to prepare myself for a Figure Competition this coming Fall. Ben asked me if that was the only reason why I was doing this. He also asked me what was my reasoning behind the competition. People had asked me this question and I was not prepared to answer it. I had come up with something that I thought sounded good and was sufficient enough. I explained the trail I had followed and the people I had talked to that had gotten me interested in Figure Competing. I thought it was my answer. But during my workout after talking to Ben I realized it wasn't. Here's my answer:
I am doing this because I want the challenge. I want the results. I want the change. I want to be the person I know I can be. I want to be the person I know I am.
I have been skinny and I have been plump, but I have never been happy. I have never been good enough for myself. I have never loved myself. But I have also never done things the right way. This time I am going to. This time I am doing it for me and for no one else. I want to be my own kind of Beautiful. I am not going to cut out pictures of pretty girls in magazines as my template. I am going to be my own masterpiece. I am going to look at myself and decide what I want to see. I have a sporty build, and I know that I will never be naturally thin. Even when I was 80 lbs I still had to wear bigger dresses than some of my friends that had twenty pounds on me. Not because I was bigger, but because my frame is. My ribcage is larger than theirs, and so is my skull. I never realized that before, but now I do. When they buy hats and helmets they buy smalls. I can only wear Large. I cannot be what I see in the magazines. I can only be me. Which is better than anything they can sell to me.
I am doing this because I want to conquer myself. I want to overcome every obstacle I have placed in front of myself. I want to knock down every wall I have put up. I want to cross every line that has been drawn around. I don't want skeletons in a closet, but rather mummies in a museum. I will not be ashamed of who I am or who I have been. I am me. And that is as perfect as it gets. I was made in the image of my Heavenly Father, and I will keep it as beautiful and healthy as I believe it to be. Every day I will share and celebrate the beautiful person I am inside by the person I am outside. I am going to love myself and believe in myself as much as my Father in Heaven does. I will not doubt him by not doubting myself. I will never again wish I was someone else or like anyone else. Instead, I will become. I will be. I am. Thankful for that which I have been given.

Perfection begins within.

If I can overcome the person that I am then I can overcome any situation, anyone, and anything. But I can only be as perfect as I strive to be. Which is why I will push myself harder than I ever have. I am going to work on myself as a whole. No other influences besides myself. Ben has suggested that I remove the competition as my goal and my mile-marker for this exact reason. I need to find my reason in order to discover my motivation. I will be my determination, my commitment, my goal. The only person I need to compare myself against is myself. I cannot be better than anyone else, but I can be better than I am.

Another question he asked was "What do you expect to get from this?" I had no idea how I should answer this question. I thought the correct answer was something along the lines of losing weight or getting fit, but I was wrong. This is what I want to get from this experience:
- self-confidence. I want to know that I am responsible for achieving my goals. I want to know that I can control my future and my outcome.
- respect. I want people to recognize my ambition, commitment, and self-respect. If I respect myself with the highest self-regard then so must everyone else.
- self-reliance. I want to be able to rely on myself. Nobody else. I don't want to feel weak or vulnerable.. ever again. I don't want people to think that they can use me, abuse me, or ruin me. I want to know that I can get myself out. I want to say No.

ok. so I just found this on my blog saved as a draft. Once again, I never finished it. This was from a year ago in the spring. Can't remember the day though. So, it's not going to be posted correctly, but here it is anyway.  :]  6/27/12

30 Day Challenge - Day Two Redo

The Early Bird Catches the Worm.

I don't really want worms, but waking up early on your first day off in a week is hard, but so worth it! I have decided that I love waking up early to exercise. It just starts the day off right. And I can't find an excuse that early if it's scheduled. Lol. I can, but I won't. I will probably try, but I know I can't because I will always find an excuse later on.
Lucky for me, I didn't get a chance to decide this morning. I fell asleep last night without setting the alarm on my phone, and my alarm on the wall doesn't work all the time. It's the same alarm clock I've had my entire life. It's old, but dependable... or it used to be. Good thing Char text me and woke me up at 5:20am. I got there at 5:30, so Kallee missed the last 10 minutes of the workout, but that's ok. I felt bad for being late. I don't like the guilt of knowing that I cut someone else's workout short. That is a good lesson for me. I will definitely try much harder to be on time from here on out.

Today, we did INSANITY. And it was definitely INSANE.
We did the Plyometric Cardio Circuit. It was so intense. We were all sweating and struggling. It felt great! But tomorrow Kallee is working out by herself, so me and Char are going to go biking after she gets off of work at 1:00pm. YaY for outdoors!

30 Day Challenge - Day One Redo

Ok, so I failed. Lol. Again...

But for the Last Time. 

No if's and's or but's.

The difference this time is now I have a support group. I have sponsors. I have somebody to hold me accountable until I can be self-accountable. I am going to be working out six days a week. Yes! My mother in-law and sister in-law are gonna be my workout buddies. I know we can do this. I am so excited. But they both started last Wednesday, but that's ok because I am thrilled that they invited me to join!
I have been working for the past six days straight. It has been completely exhausting and stressful. I can't believe I was able to wake up at 4:45am to exercise this morning. We met at 5:15am to workout at Kallee's. But Char was just a tiny bit late, so we didn't finish til 6:10. Which meant I had to drive straight to work. Luckily, I had a few spare minutes to run in and change and wash off a little bit. Oddly enough, I was quite energized all day. That's why I LOve exercise, and I know I need to do more of it.
Today's workout was a TurboFire workout on level easy. It was great cardio. But I can totally tell that I am not a dancer. Kallee has always been a dancer and so she can pick up steps like crazy. Plus, this is one of her DVD's, so she's had a little experience with it. But enough excuses from myself. And Char is doing great! She can't do all of the moves because she has problem knees and tendons, but she figures out a way to modify each exercise. She's an inspiration for sure. It's not easy for her, but she's sticking with us, and fighting through it.
I love these ladies, and I am so happy to be exercising again. This is gonna be good!

Day Two

It wasn't as hard as the first day, but it was still hard. I had cravings, but they weren't overwhelming. I'm not going to get too excited yet though because I know that the second week is going to be when I feel like I'm going to die. Lol.
But I started out the morning with Stone-Cut Oats and frozen berries with cinnamon. I finished off my Amazing Mango drink. I ate lots of my organic granola. I also ate quite a bit of my 7-Grain Sprouted bread. On top of that I ate wheat bread. Holy cow! I ate a lot. I know over-eating is just as bad, but at least it's not fatty food. Maybe I won't be able to lose the fat, but at least my cholesterol will go down. Jk jk.
I didn't do a workout video, but I did go hiking with Kellie! We went up to Waterfall Canyon. It was so pretty! The trail was still covered in snow. We didn't go super fast, but we kept a pretty good pace. Every now and then we could see the river peeking through the snow, and it was amazing. I love the sound of rushing water. I hate that pictures never look as good as it was in person.
It just made me so so excited for spring! It was warm enough for Kellie to wear a short-sleeve shirt, and for me to wear capris. But only because we were hiking. If we had just been hanging around outside I would've changed to something warmer for sure.
But we had so much fun. It was so great to finally get out of the house, and out of the city. Just to be outside again was the best feeling. I love girl talk, but I hardly ever get to do it. Of course we dished about our relationships, but just to be able to hang out and have fun completely changed the course of my day. I had gone to a meeting at work, and it is going to make work like fifty times harder. But maybe it will be better in the long run. And then I tried to get some errands done, but things didn't work out. I had had a really rough day, and wanted to crawl into bed and cry, but the hike completely fixed everything. Ok, it didn't fix things, but it made it easier for me to deal with them. That fresh air can really do wonders.
We started about 5:30, and got to the bottom at 7pm. It only took us 1 1/2 hours in the snow. On the way down we were trying to hurry because we didn't realize how fast it was getting dark. So scary. We were not prepared to be hiking in the dark. We were laughing so hard that Kellie peed her pants! oh my word! I was laughing so hard! I love that girl. She is so much like her moms. I stopped for a minute to try and catch a snapshot of the city and told Kellie I would catch up. But as I was taking the picture I could hear an animal crying out like it was being tortured. It was such a scary noise, and it was right off the trail. Kellie started screaming my name out because she thought something was attacking me. I took off in a sprint down the snowy hill. I was slipping and sliding all over, and I couldn't tell where my feet were landing, but we were scared to death.
When we neared the bottom we ran into hikers on their way up the mountain. They had all the gear on. Lights on their heads, snow clothes, snow boots, and hiking poles. They thought we were nuts for being up there in our attire. But it was so worth it! It was so much fun! Thanks Kellie for hiking with me!
So, instead of doing some routine exercise I was able to have fun and get some cardio in. YaY! I Loved it! and plus, I felt pretty accomplished because we made it all the way up to the top and back in the snow!

Day One

THE SECRET OF GETTING AHEAD IS GETTING STARTED. -Mark Twain

For the past month, my brother has been on a Vegan Challenge. Not against anyone. Just himself. He has tried to eat Vegan for an entire month! and he has pretty much succeeded! I am absolutely amazed! He has always been one to be different, but never healthy. The men in my family have always scoffed at my eating, and grocery choices. They thought soy milk was absurd, and that fat was the foundation of the pyramid. But during the month of February, my brother ate tofu, soy milk, whole wheat bread, and vegetables!
I have tried for so many years to get my family to eat healthier, but they have always refused! I was always known as the Loon in the family. But now, Ryan, Melissa, Joshua, my Mom, and my DAD! are all eating healthy! How in the world did this happen?? Now, we are fighting over the last slice of wheat bread, and arguing over spinach. I am so confused???
Growing up, we only ever had white bread and sugar-loaded cereal. I can't even figure out what some of the ingredients in the cupboards are now. But it has happened at the worst time. I have been eating junk for the first time! Slowly, Josh has taken me to the dark side. Three weeks ago, I ate my first slice of pizza with the cheese still in tact. In December, I ate my first french fry in 8 Years! January, I ate my first hamburger since early high school. What has happened to me?? and to be honest, I am addicted to all this junk now. It is absolutely terrible!

So, my brother, my sister, and Chelsea, have all inspired me a little. I am going to begin a 30 Day Challenge of my own. :] and this is the first day of it. Luckily, Kandice, responded to my post on FB and she is beginning a 30 Day Challenge as well. Yippee! I love support.
This morning, I had a little vigorous exercise of my own before Josh went to work. ;)
But then I caved, and ruined my first day. :( I indulged, and finished off my hamburger from yesterday. It was supposed to be my "Last Meal." But I didn't finish it. I put it in the fridge. Why did I put it in the fridge??? I ate a 1000 calorie hamburger! ugghh. No wonder I felt sick afterward. I didn't bother to look up the calorie content before. But I did today. 1,000 fatty, kill you, clog your arteries, preservative-packed calories! GROSS. But oh well. I can't do anything about it now, so I'm not going to punish myself or give up.
For lunch, I had 1 cup stone-cut oatmeal with 1/2 cup frozen berries, and a sprinkle of cinnamon.
For a snack, I polished off the rest of my wheat thins... Not good. Those are loaded with all sorts of salt and other chemicals. oops. And I had a peach Light N' Fit yogurt. Dangit. That is full of fake sweeteners. Horrible.
But I did sip on my Amazing Mango drink by Bolthouse Farms. YaY! I did two things right! I've also been working on my water. Three points!
And at 3:30pm I did Jilian Michaels' 30 Day Shred workout video. It's only 20 minutes, but it's better than what I've been doing!
I'd say this is pretty good so far .... for my first day. I'll make improvements, but at least I'm trying, and not just procrastinating.
Right now, it feels impossible, but I know once I get good habits started, and beat my addictions I'll be feeling way better! This is going to be hard, but worth it. I am going to try to post every day for 30 days and watch my progress.

But as always, it's the beginning, so I must post measurements and goals:

Weight: 135.2
Water: 50.8 %
Body Fat: 30.3%
Muscle: 49.8 lb
BMI: 23.0

Neck: 14
Armpits: 34.50
Chest: 34.75
Belly Button: 33
Waist: 35.75
Hips: 40
Thigh: 23.50
Knee: 15
Calf: 14
Ankle: 8
Bicep: 10.50
Forearm: 9.25
Wrist: 6

Those are some pretty scary numbers if I do say so myself. Eeek! But I just need to remind myself that they are not going to stay this way for very long. They will be way different in April.

My GoaL: By July 2nd (my birthday), I want to be down to my fighting weight (115 lbs). I want my BMI down to at least 18. And I want only 15% body fat.
That is a difference of 20 lbs, and half my body fat. That is going to be a drastic change! I've been there before and I loved it! But if I find it is too unhealthy, unsafe, or disgusting I will change my goal. That is the good part about this, I can stop when I want to. The hard part is getting started, and the hardest part is staying committed!

But I'm up for the challenge!

DuN DuN DuN!!!

what I can. I need to make up for whatever was lost if possible. I need to fix me.

STEP SIX
CREATE A NEW CODE OF BEHAVIOR

I am going to make an agenda.
I am going to follow that agenda.
I am going to make priorities.
I am going to make sure my priorities come first.
I am going to make time.
I am going to make promises that I can keep.
I am going to find productive hobbies, habits, and cravings.
I am going to admit my wrongs when they happen.
I am going to be honest with myself.
I am going to be happy for what I can be.
I am going to let people know how much I love and appreciate them.
I am going to be honest with my feelings.
I am going to enjoy people while I have them.
I am going to let little problems stay little.
I am going to eat when I am hungry.
I am going to discover my hunger before I try to fulfill it.
I am going to do what I love.
I am going to work as hard as I can.
I am going to do my best.
I am going to believe in myself.
I am going to continually improve and progress.
I am going to compete with myself and no one else.
I am going to be beautiful.
I am going to do what I enjoy.
I am going to ignore every critic besides myself.

I am going to make my life mine.

STEP SEVEN
MAKE AN AGENDA TO REPLACE YOUR PROBLEM

I am going to wake up early. 5:00 AM on work days. 7:00 AM on days off.
I am going to exercise every morning for 30 minutes.
I am going to eat whole and healthy foods, and write in a food journal.
I am going to live with hypoglycemia and control it with fiber and protein whenever I eat.
I am going to avoid sugar, simple carbohydrates, sugar-free sweeteners, and fats.
I am going to do 30 minutes of yoga, pilates, meditation, or relaxation every day after work.
I am going to learn recipes and cook dinner.
I am going to strength train for 30 minutes every day.
I am going to get ready for bed every night, and make it something I look forward to.
I am going to read and study at least one chapter of scriptures each night @ 9:00 PM.
I am going to journal after I read.
I am going to say my prayers morning, night, and before meals.
I am going to fall asleep early without distractions.

STEP EIGHT
MAKE ATTAINABLE GOALS
BREAK THEM DOWN TO THEIR SIMPLEST PARTS AND REFRAIN FROM NEGATIVES

1. Lose Weight. Lose 1-2 lbs per week. Until I achieve my goal weight of 115 lbs.
2. Change diet. Eat CLEAN. Only one bad meal per week.
3. Smile. All the time. Even when nobody is watching.
4. Keep your living space clean every day.
5. Do 3 types of exercise each day. Six days a week.
6. Learn how to jump a curb on your bike.
7. Make a bucket list for the summer.
8. Write one letter every week.
9. Visit one person every week.
10. Read the Book of Mormon by January 1, 2012.
11. Get your temple recommend by January 1, 2012.
12. Read at least 3 books each year.
13. Work on your novel at least once per week.
14. Enjoy the outdoors once a week with Josh.
15. Give something you want to somebody else every day.
16. Smile or say hello to strangers.
17. Work on your flexibility every day.
18. Walk the dog once a week minimum.
19. Track yourself every day and make yourself accountable.
20. Repeat your self-affirmation once a day in the mirror.

STEP NINE
GET A SPONSOR

Natalie, Josh, Mom, Joshua, Kandice, and Josh have all offered to run with me.
I am going to ask the Bishop to help me track my progress. One meeting per month.
Every Saturday I am going to take my physical measurements, and record them on the calendar.
Every day I am going to keep a food and exercise journal, and review it at night.
I am going to track my scripture reading on the chart.
I am going to make a daily, weekly, and monthly checklist.
Kallee and Fred are competing with me against sweets until July.
I still need to find a sponsor though. Should I make Josh my sponsor?

STEP TEN
HELP SOMEONE ELSE WITH THE SAME PROBLEM

Any volunteers? Lol. I probably should not do it secretly because it wouldn't work very well. Plus, I would probably find a way to cheat. How do you confront someone without an AA meeting? Haha. Addicts Anonymous. Jk. Umm... I need someone that I can consult with constantly. I'll have to work on this one...


Alright, so it's not exactly 12 steps, but it's still a plan. I can do this. I will do this. I start today.